The Model Apocalypse

New York Fashion Week. Some love it. Some hate it. Some don't even know what it is. However, only a few know what actually goes on behind the scenes. Because all you see are the glamorous runways, crazy fashion statements and stone-faced models.

How to spot a model in New York City:

Skinny. "No make-up". Dressed in all black and towering over everyone.

In the weeks leading up to fashion week you will see hundreds of these women all over the city. Jumping into taxis. Running to catch the metro. Some of them will be wearing heels. Some of them will be smart enough not to.

There are two fashion weeks in New York a year, one in February and one in September.

My first fashion week was in September of 2013. I moved to New York at the beginning of August because this is when all the castings begin.

If you've never been to New York in the summer, lemme tell ya it is scorching hot. I'm talking about sweat dripping down your back hot. And trees are scarce. Which means no shade. Just metal skyscrapers. Probably just increasing the heat from the sun like a frying pan.

Castings or "cattle calls" are visual interviews where the casting director can see what each model really looks like. And for these castings models are asked to dress as simple as possible, most of the time in a black outfit that shows off your legs, body, etc. Models are also expected to wear high heels to show how they strut their stuff on a runway.

This was always the most nerve-racking part for me. I was terrified that the casting director(s) wouldn't like me, wouldn't think I was skinny enough or pretty enough, wouldn't like my walk.

You definitely get caught up in the madness of it all. Seeing hundreds of other models at each casting call, everyone wanting the job. It's hard not to fall into the trap of criticizing or comparing yourself to others.

There's always going to be someone prettier than you. Skinnier than you. Taller than you. The only thing you can prevent from happening is someone working harder than you.

Have you ever wanted something so bad? With everything in you? It's difficult to explain the feeling if you've never felt this way. You just become overwhelmed with emotion. But whenever you don't get this thing, whatever you were wanting, it crushes you. And then you want to know why. Why didn't I get it? Am I not good enough?

This is how I felt when I didn't book every single casting that I went to with hundreds of other models. I wanted to be the best. I wanted to be working. I wanted those jobs.

I was hurt. My heart hurt.

But I don't believe your value is measured by how many jobs you do, it is measured by how well you do them. So I picked myself up and kept trying. And I'm so glad I did because I booked several shows that fashion week season.